What should lesbians do when pressed to get married by their families?

When lesbians are urged by their families to get married, they often feel tangled and distressed. Behind this difficulty lies the influence of traditional ideas passed down from older generations, the simple mindset of family members that "marriage equals happiness", and the conflict between one's own chosen way of life and common social norms. Only by understanding why family members urge marriage and finding suitable ways to deal with it can this knot be untied.

Most of the time, family members' urging to get married is rooted in care. In many traditional families, "getting married and having children" is considered the path to a complete life. Family members may urge marriage because they feel "it's their duty to do so" — they are afraid that you will encounter difficulties living alone and worry that "not getting married" will make you the target of gossip or exclusion. In addition, some parents have little knowledge of "homosexuality" and even think it is "a moment of confusion", believing that "marrying a good man" can "put you back on the right track". Such thoughts are not malicious; rather, they stem from the differences in eras and the information available.

Avoiding the issue or arguing often doesn't work; "communicating well with methods" is more effective in breaking the deadlock. First, accept your family's emotions and don't deny their thoughts. You can try saying: "I know you urge me to get married because you're afraid I'll be lonely in the future, and I really understand this intention." Acknowledging their starting point first and then gradually expressing your own thoughts can reduce the sense of confrontation. Second, use your actual life status to dispel the idea that "one can't be happy without marriage". Family members' worries often come from the fear that "not getting married means being lonely in old age". If you can let them see that you have a stable relationship (such as planning the future with your partner) and a fulfilling life (such as having your own work goals and hobbies), their worries will gradually ease. For example, when the time is right, often bring your partner home to visit, so that your family can see the tacit understanding and mutual care between you two.

If it's still difficult to directly tell your family about your sexual orientation (coming out) now, you can also delay it and leave some time for yourself. For instance, talk to your family gently: "My thoughts on marriage may be different from yours. I want to find someone who is truly suitable for me, not get married just for the sake of marriage. Give me some time, and I will be responsible for my own life." At the same time, by showing that you are independent (such as being financially self-sufficient and emotionally stable), let your family believe that you have the ability to arrange your own life and don't need to rely on marriage for a sense of security.

It should be remembered that the premise of dealing with the urge to get married is to clearly recognize and accept yourself. When you have a clear understanding of your sexual orientation and accept your life choices, you can face external pressures more calmly. If you still feel tangled, you can talk to trusted friends or join mutual aid organizations for the LGBTQ+ community to get emotional support and strength from them.

Changing family members' thoughts usually takes time and may even be repetitive. There's no need to think that "you can make them understand in one conversation"; allow everyone to gradually get closer through mutual understanding. After all, family members urge you to get married because of love, and you insist on your own way because you want to live a real life — when these two intentions can respect each other, there will always be a way for them to coexist.

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